Speaking of Divorce

What does Satan want for Christmas? For all our marriages to fall apart.

Surprise, surprise. Contrary to the depressing title, I am writing from a happy place. I initiated an important, sorrowful heart-to-heart with my husband yesterday. We walked away winners, because the relationship won. 

Our relationship mushroomed from an icy desert into the warm, forgiving tropics during the span of the emotional conversation. It is not to say that everything will be perfect from here on, of course. But I was so miserable before, and I am not anymore.

Isn't it interesting how a single aspect of our lives seems to be entirely responsible for all of our misery? Maybe Denmark is ahead in terms of frankness, maybe I am more transparent than most... Maybe both. But I don't think it is shameful at all to face problems in a marriage. I think it is crazy to expect all marriages to work out, considering how flawed human beings are. I am also not afraid to admit that my spouse has been the sole cause of my suffering, since the very beginning. (I think that he knows, too.)

I used to lean towards being logical rather than intuitive. I have since gone the other way. The logical mind says, 'If your husband is the biggest cause of your suffering, then getting a divorce equates to removing your suffering. Simple logic. Sign the divorce papers today!' If only life is so straight-forward, huh? We would have all the answers to the mysteries of the universe.

I would like to believe.

The truth is, I have benefited a lot because of my marriage. My wildest dreams have come true because my husband and I happen to share a marriage certificate. 

My life is laid-back, to the degree of my choosing. I get to spend time with our daughter, instead of scrambling to earn a living. On a summer day, I get to lather my skin up with sunscreen before a full-body work out in our own backyard. I get to lay on my yoga mat, knowing that my child is nearby, entertained by nature's finest insects. Bees, butterflies, grasshoppers. I get to look at the sky. 

During winter, I get to make my own Christmas traditions. I get to play with snow. I get to enjoy festive foods like æbleskiver and risengrød. I get to edit my vlogmas videos all through the night with minimal repercussions, because I am not the only adult around to care for our child. I get to make a clay figurine of Helge. I get to miss Helge. I get to cry listening to 'This Christmas' by Oh Wonder, while wishing that he was still here.

But those are the wrong reasons to stay in a relationship. I can convince myself to stay for the beautiful new house, for the new Danish potatoes and strawberries, for the seasons. But if his yelling, swearing and stonewalling continue, if his cruelty continues, a part of my life will rot away. Until there is nothing left of me.

I will say a little prayer.

God, if you are there. 

Give me the courage to walk this path that I have chosen. Help me to walk the plank, instead of becoming a savage myself. Let me be vulnerable and let my heart never harden. Give me more of the wisdom and kindness that I received yesterday, when I addressed his behavioural problems. 

Guide my husband to become the perfect partner for me. Give us the desire to be together. Help us to create an abundance of opportunities to be with one another. Remind him endlessly of the priceless treasure that is our family. Open his eyes so he sees what we have got, instead of the things that we are lacking. Help him to model the behaviour that he wants to see.

In Jesus' name. Amen.


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