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'vanishing as if it had never been'

Here's a ultra-vulnerable, emotionally charged nugget, where I just talk to myself: Marcus just sent me a voice recording of him reading a text most likely by Cormac McCarthy. He would read aloud to me exactly like this, every time we were together. He would be so excited each time he is to read something to me, that he found to be beautiful beyond words. I guess this is why, despite knowing intellectually, logically that we aren't good for each other – and also emotionally, in my heart – I know how much it hurt all those times he wasn't there for me when I needed him to be – despite all our problems, misunderstandings and miscommunications– Despite everything, this is why it is so hard to let go. I still loved and still do love him for the person he is. This is why my mind keeps running in circles as to how to make this relationship work, before realising the reality of things all over again.  –that he is sleep-deprived, that he just isn't capable to be supportive in w

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