'vanishing as if it had never been'
(here's a ultra-vulnerable nugget, where i talk to myself:) marcus just sent me a voice recording of him reading a text most likely by Cormac McCarthy and he would read aloud to me exactly like this, every time we were together especially before making love he would be so excited to read to me something he found to be beautiful beyond words i guess this is why, despite knowing intellectually, logically that we aren't good for each other-- and also emotionally, in my heart, i know how much it hurt all those times he wasn't there for me when i needed him to be-- despite all our problems, misunderstandings and miscommunications-- despite all that, this is why i still loved and still do love him for the person he is. and that's why my mind keeps running in circles as to how to make this relationship work, before realising the reality of things all over again. that he is sleep-deprived, that he isn't capable to be supportive in ways that i need him to be, that we want d
