Shocking News: I am Busy

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Is it Saturday already? Wow. Time flew by so quickly this week. I feel physically tired from making ten videos in 12 days. Wow, I can't believe I did that. And it's not like I am stopping any time soon. I will continue to make a video a day, till Christmas day. It's... vlogmas!

I don't know anyone who is doing vlogmas, but doing it makes me feel part of something bigger than myself. It feels comforting knowing that people all over the world are filming, editing and posting their vlogmas videos at the same time as I am. The feeling is hard to explain.

I have my kalenderlys burning. It's Danish for calendar candlelight. It's a cosy way to countdown to Christmas. It has the numbers 1 to 24 printed on it and you burn it for an hour or so every night. I lit it last night and filmed a calming 'winter evening routine' video, with a dancing candlelight and jazz music. Very zen.

Well. What else? Oh yes. Denmark was covered in snow on Thursday. Our first real snow day! Helge gave me a verbal crash course last year, on how to build a snowman. I used his advice in my first attempt to make one. I got on my knees and kept rolling my snowball until it got so big that I could hardly lift it. It was still not big enough though. I was nowhere near the finish line. It was a great workout, I will give you that. A practice round for when I finally build my first snowman.

We went to the Roseng├ąrdcentret shopping centre to run an errand earlier this week. It is the biggest shopping centre around. The bus does not go there. Driving takes half an hour. I hardly go to a mall since leaving Singapore and Australia. I prefer this minimalistic lifestyle.

I used to take for granted the Christmas decorations in Singapore. Year after year, every shopping mall would put up their annual Christmas lights and decorations towards December. It was simply customary. Instead of believing in Christmas, the joyous decor only made me feel more isolated from the rest of society. Your family celebrated together, mine did not.

Going to the mall with my family this week meant a lot to me. Seeing the stuffed reindeer and elves on stage was a big deal to me. Going into a wool shop with my husband and daughter to choose a pair of warm, knitted gloves - it was an ordinary moment that meant the world to me.

As it turns out, the Christmas spirit is a real thing.

(But I am glad that we live nowhere near a shopping mall.)

I was going to write a lot more, but I need to be kind to myself and go to bed. I hardly slept last night. I went to bed at 7am... That is what it takes to make two videos in one night. ­čś┤

I have some interview questions to answer, by Monday. It is about my experience being an overseas mom. It should be easy enough, but the lack of sleep makes the task look daunting. I have been procrastinating on it for two weeks now. I focused on making my videos and my toddler's advent calendar instead.

It is indeed strange for me to be so busy. I meditated for 30 minutes today, the first time in three days. As I sat, I could feel parts of my body rattle in fatigue. I know that I need that window of pause each day. But I also want to deliver on my promise to make a video a day. What a dilemma.

I will be okay.

Going into vlogmas, I knew that making a video a day would be challenging. I chose to embrace it. Now that I managed to complete the first three days of vlogmas, creating content that I like, I can't help but wish for my streak to continue... I already have my footage for day four. It is a matter of finding time to edit it tomorrow.

My little trick when I feel overwhelmed with the tasks at hand, is to put everything down and just do one thing that makes me feel whole again. It could be meditating or exercising. It could be making food or even sitting down to have a cup of tea. SLEEP! Anything but what I think I 'need to do'.

At a time like this where I feel an insatiable need to make the next video, to answer the interview questions, it feels lovely to be able to sit here and write this. With Tarzan playing on TV, while Hannah sings loudly. She is putting a piece of wet wipe over her favourite little stuffed dog, to keep it warm. 'Quick, quick, put the dyne on', she says. ('Dyne' means duvet/quilt.) Kissing it goodnight.

Goodnight, sleep tight. Don't let tomorrow's to-do list bite. ­čśç

Be gentle with yourself, okay? See you again next week.


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