out of control

Hi stranger,

How long has it been? Long enough for me to become a completely different being, as compared to the last time I wrote on here. I say that, because the past year has illuminated quite a few things that I have never noticed about myself. How I desperately tried to control the things that I deem within my control, through ferociously documenting how I spend every hour of my day while failing to realise that I was using ‘organisation’ solely as a crutch, instead of a tool. 

My hiatus from writing on this blog does not mean that I have ever stopped writing. I continue to journal regularly, if not daily, because my thoughts and ideas need somewhere to go. I even wrote a poem about writing, for a Danish poetry assignment. I am really proud of it. I have recited it so many times now that I know my poem it by heart. I love the  alliterations and rhyme; I love the spaciousness in the poem, both space and time. It’s titled, “Kære skribent”, which translates to “Dear writer”. (Obviously addressing, well, me.)

Draft of my poem, “Kære skribent”

The reason why I am writing here again is because I have decided to relinquish my social media accounts, Facebook and Instagram. And the reason for that, is because I just can’t bring myself to click ‘yes’ to using their services for free, thereby explicitly giving the tech giant permission to use my information for advertising purposes. Until I can comfortably afford to pay the monthly subscription fee to use the apps without ads, I don’t want to be part of it. 

The good news is, the time that I previously spent on posting stories on Instagram can now be funnelled into writing on here as well as my newsletter. I’m also toying with the idea of making vlogs again, but the wiser me is now aware of the importance of prioritising the most essential. I do have plenty on my plate, considering that I have schoolwork and a daughter. And also a boyfriend. *beams*

I want to deviate from my usual habit of constantly planning things, especially planning for the worst. I want to truly live in the moment, and to be okay with feeling out of control. It is a liberating and totally frightening experience, let me tell you. But that is the path that I am on. 

Today’s lunch. I love my salads!